she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
