Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the room spins SO much faster in panama
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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