Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
