So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
