He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
