Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
