Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
