our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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