his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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