got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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