im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
