I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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