her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
