i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
