Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
