Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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