There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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