Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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