Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In other news, I just burned my penis
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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