Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
