Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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