Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
