im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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