Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
