Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
