I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
