Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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