I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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