okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
