Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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