I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He passed out mid-signature
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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