so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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