Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
