there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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