You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
