he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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