three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
