A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have fence marks all over my body
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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