last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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