watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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