So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
