I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
