When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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