According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found a bag of teeth...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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