fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
