i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
