So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
