I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
