Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
