God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
