WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
