I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
