I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
